I recently visited a friend who was about to move house. She is going through a very rough time, moving every few months, dealing with an ex husbands issues, custody, schooling etc.
As I was saying goodbye, she was 'stressing' about how to move all her stuff with her tiny little car, I saw that the garage of the house she was currently visiting ( a good friend of hers) was housing a large truck - while her friend was overseas.
I knew she was in regular contact with him, so suggested she ask if she could borrow it for her move, as her move was literally two roads away from his house.
She shook her head sadly and said that No, she couldn't, because she had already told him that she was staying long-term in the place she was in now and " it will just look too flaky" if she told him she was moving again.
I drove off with that sentence puzzling me for a while, till I realized what was so wrong with it.
Her fear of how she 'looked' to others or what others thought of her, was more important than getting herself much needed assistance in a time of need. Something her friends would gladly give her, they love her, trust her and would love to see her thriving again. Her comment showed that she believes her friends are only there for the good times.
She is ashamed of her life and everything that is going on in it.
What a way to live! Nothing good would come her way, because she was so busy trying to edit the truth from everyone around her. Control, fear and shame. All tools of the ego that keep us stuck in old patterns and living out our limiting beliefs about life.
It was sad knowing that I also couldn't tell her that...
I have long ago discovered, that until someone actually sees it for themselves, it isn't possible to shine a light on the 'monster under the bed' without severely upsetting someone you really care about. Which is obviously never our intention.
If you ever find yourself doing this a lot, ask yourself what you are really afraid of. The answers are important.
They shine a light on what is really controlling you. Your thinking is the biggest problem here.
Because honestly, do your friends deserve to be judged as being that fickle? If so, do you really need friends like that?
And even more scary to think: Are you that kind of friend? Why else would you expect them to judge you so harshly in a time of need?
Today I asked for help. For my website. I have had intentions of monetizing it for ages now, so that I can load up all my beautiful products, my e-book and still to come e-courses ( think Creativity Therapy in pretty little doses and a bunch of fabulously useful and gorgeous ways to get creatively organized)
Subvert Magazine newsletter arrived with a heart warming note on How To Raise your Confidence and an offer dear to my heart - right on time.
So I applied. See here if you are curious.
I have also had my battles with control, fear and shame - 10 years as a single parent eventually wore down those foes, but I have also seen too many opportunities pass me by that I cannot get back, all because I was too proud to ask. So, no more hiding in the wings pretending I can do it all on my own...
Watch this space to see the changes - as they come with plenty of give-aways!
Around the web: A blog post I really love right now - Tarah Mohr - Loving Reminders About Feedback